THE QUESTION

 
Several of my African American friends asked it. Some were polite: I was just wondering.... Others were rude: Why are you doing THAT? Most simply said: So why Ethiopia?

No matter the tone, the implication of the question was always the same: Why are you adopting an African child when there are so many needy black children without stable homes right here in the U.S.?

Of course, many people think this way about all Americans who adopt overseas, but special judgment is meted out to African Americans who choose to do such a thing. It's as though we're turning our backs on our own.  

Never mind that this is a deeply personal decision. No one ever asks, "Oh, you're pregnant? Did you conceive naturally or did you have to use in vitro?"

Adoption doesn't garner respect for privacy the way childbirth does. I know. I've now done both. One prompts congratulations. The other prompts questions.

Some of it is curiosity, sure. Some of it, though, is latent judgment prompted by myth. People don't know the facts: that you can foster-parent a child for years in this country and still not be allowed to adopt her. Or that infants of all races are in such demand in the U.S. that it's often costly and time-consuming and emotionally exhausting to adopt one; or that, while few do, birth mothers have the right to change their minds. Or that, if you only want to adopt an older child, but don't want to be a foster parent first, you're out of luck in this country.

People just know that it's unusual for an African American to adopt an African child.

So why did I decide to adopt a little girl from Ethiopia? Because that was what my heart led me to do.

But that's not good enough for most black folks. And so, I used to give a fuller answer. I'd say, "I've always felt a connection to the African continent. People have told me I look Ethiopian. And 
I wanted to do my small part to offset the devastating impact of AIDS and other diseases on Africa's children."

That's what I used to say.

Now that my daughter is home with us, I look at her and say, "How could I not?"

Comments

[Lovely Simms]

I am African AMerican and currently pursuing adoption in Haiti. It seems most people don't realize that the many children who await adoption in the US are preteens, teenagers, and siblings groups based on where you live. I think you made an excellent choice.

[tami]

Can I just copy your answer and use it as my own? LOL Those are my exact sentiments except my baby is not home yet! Thank you!