Girl From Ethiopia

AGE IS JUST A NUMBER?

When A. arrived over a year ago, she was this little thing, barely fitting into her size 3 toddler clothes. She weighed 31 pounds. We believed she was 3.

Now, I cannot pick her up: she weighs 50 pounds and has grown nearly three inches taller.

Which means she's healthy and thriving. But it also means she's the tallest kid in pre-school, has already lost three front teeth and has the motor skills of a first grader.

She is not four. Which means she was not three when she joined our family.

And so, we decided to change her official age, to make her a year older than what the birth certificate from Ethiopia says. That's a legal process -- just documents and signatures.

But what about her process? What about this girl who has been telling everyone who asks, "I'm four!"?

It's a delicate issue, for sure, and I couldn't figure out how to handle it.

Finally, one day, I just said to her, "We talked to your dentist, and when she saw you lost your front teeth, she let us know that you're actually five."

 "I'm five?"

"Yes, you're five."

"I can tell my friends at school I'm five?"

"Yes."

"Yayyyyyyyy! I'm five!"

"Yay, you're five!"

"And when I have my birthday, I'll be six?"

"That's right!"

She paused. "Mama? When's my birthday?"

Good question. We're still working on that one.

MADONNA'S GOT HER GIRL

Finally, the Malawi court chose to do the right thing.

Hopefully, Malawi's officials have learned something from this saga.

Hopefully, rather than look at each adoption request "on a case-by-case basis", those in charge of the country's two million orphans will look to their fellow-African country for a good example of international adoption.

Hopefully, Malawi's officials will take a nod from Ethiopia.

Ethiopia is now the fourth-leading host country of international adoptions, and has the reputation for having a model adoption system -- free of bribes, chaos and confusion. Pretty impressive, given that the country has only allowed significant international adoption since 2004; back then, the Ethiopian government, grappling with its own five million orphans, did a smart thing: faced reality and opened its borders, but on its own terms -- terms that vet every adoption agency allowed to operate in the country, that vets each adoptive parent, and tries its best to ensure cultural ties for its children once they leave for new homes abroad.
      When we adopted our then 3-year-old daughter, we went through a relatively short 14-month process that involved paperwork winding its way through over a dozen Ethiopian governmental agencies, and a court proceeding that gave us parental rights before we were allowed to travel to the country. At the government's request, we also visited our adopted daughter's home village to meet her birth family. In addition, we signed affidavits saying we'd send back to Ethiopia yearly updates and photos until she turned 18; and we were asked to put in writing a promise that we would maintain our daughter's ties to her Ethiopian heritage. They were on it.

    And lest we forget, the Ethiopian government also handled its own celebrity mom with respect and finesse. As a result, when Angelina Jolie adopted her daughter from Ethiopia in 2005, she brought a high-profile awareness of the country's adoption program to hundreds of families who went on to adopt from there as well -- my own family included. In other words, there is a right way to do this.

I hope Malawi chooses to do it the right way again. And again and again.