Enough Already

Are you going to send a photo of her to the adoption agency so they can send it to her mother?

This question came from my mother-in-law. Innocent enough, right?

Bugged the hell out of me.

First, I'm her mother. Yes, I know it takes time for folks to adjust their language, to learn to call me her mother and the woman whose womb she grew within her birth mother. Still.

Here's what I really didn't like: the unspoken assumption that it's my job to keep her birth mother updated, as though I'm an aunt or a godmother caring for her until her "real" mother can take over, again.

It's not an open adoption, I said to my mother-in-law. Her birth mother gave up her rights to A. in a court of law. I am her mother. Not so pure, not so simple, but that's the way it is.

Do I want her birth mother to see how she's grown and flourished? Sure. I just don't want to be obligated to do so.

Anyway, yes, I do send photos of her back to the agency -- at Christmas, and on the anniversary of her adoption.

For now, that feels like just enough.