Girl From Ethiopia

Tips For The Mother Frustrated By Her Ethiopian Daughter's Hair

THINGS I'VE LEARNED FROM A LIFETIME OF BLACK HAIR CARE AND A YEAR OF HAIR CARE ON A LITTLE TENDER-HEADED GIRL:

1. Don't use a comb. Use a wire-bristle brush. (combs really hurt, believe me); hold her hair very tight near the root when you brush it, so it won't pull on her scalp as much; take your time, and do a little at a time; be VERY SENSITIVE to her protestations. She's not acting. It hurts.

2. Untangle her hair ONLY on the day you wash it -  leave in the conditioner and then brush out the kinks with that wire bristle brush

3. Do "two strand twists" on wash day; (you don't even have to wash out the conditioner)... her hair can stay in those twists for a few days, and then when you untwist it, she'll have beautiful curls that she can wear a few more days, and then presto! it's hair-washing day again

4. Gently finger comb her hair during the rest of the week; that way, it won't lock, and she'll look presentable

5. Get over the feeling that it can never look frizzy or kinky or nappy -- get her an assortment of headbands, so that you can push it back off her face and just let it be -- -if you think it's looking too frizzy, quickly spritz her hair, put a creamy product (like Carol's Daughter's Hair Milk) on it, twist it, leave it for an hour, take the twists out

6. Use a lot of de-tangler spray on the days you decide to braid it or put it in "puffs" or ponytails (remember: no comb -- wire brush!)

7. Stop feeling miserable. Relax, and on the days she doesn't want you messing with her hair, don't. Make that a headband day, or part it down the middle and give her puffs. Some days, you might just pick the lint out, rub some Hair Milk into it and put a barrette or two in the front. Done.

8. Every day, tell her how beautiful her hair is -- when it's puffy, when it's braided, when it's just being itself. Never act exhausted by the process. Try not to be frustrated. Make hair-washing day fun: while twisting my daughter's hair, I let her watch a favorite movie,  or we do a sing-along. It largely works. (Of course, she still complains; I just try to distract her)

9. Remember that your goal is simple, just not easy: to make her feel good about her hair even if she can clearly see that yours doesn't require the same amount of pain and work.

10. Remember that it's a process. Be both sensitive to her cries and patient with yourself.

photo credit: flickr

OPEN LETTER SEEKING SUPPORT FOR HAITI

Friends:

There are ways that your donation, no matter how small, can have a big impact. They are not via the huge bureaucracies, but via the foundations who have long histories of accompanying, trusting, and strengthening the grassroots groups which, in Haiti, are the only ones who have ever made a sustained difference. 

These are small foundations that know that the only thing that ever works in Haiti is for people to have control over their own rebuilding, over their own communities, and over their own needs and destinies.  These are the small foundations who understand that the best that they can do is strengthen those groups' capacities and strength with funding, infrastructure, and technical support.

The need today is of course enormous and overwhelming.  Even the UN and Red Cross have no idea how to respond to a calamity of this size.

Past the urgency of everyone now getting food and water (which will not happen) and the wounded getting care (neither), what will be needed is what the Lambi Fund called today "second reponders." That involves rebuilding the efforts that were under way to move Haiti "from misery to poverty with dignity," as it is known there. 

That is the slow, careful work of helping grassroots movements get back on their feet, reclaim what they lost, and move forward - both individuallly, and as organized movements working for change and justice. The two groups listed below bring respect, trust, and integrity to that process.

Lambi Fund of Haiti, www.lambifund.org
Grassroots International, www.grassrootsonline.org

If you have any questions or want any more information, please let me know.

With gratitude, 
Beverly Bell

Other Worlds

Haiti Earthquake Devastates Lives of Orphans - ABC News

 Perhaps some of you who're still considering where to adopt from will choose Haiti....

When the walls of their suburban Port-au-Prince orphanage came crashing down, their caregivers counted their blessings that no one had died. But then their attention turned to the harsh reality faced by the dozens of owners of the orphanages that dot Haiti's capital -- finding food and shelter for the poorest of the poor, the children nobody wanted.

via abcnews.go.com

A Living Doll

Since A. has been asking for a Barbie doll, and I've been ignoring her request, I decided to get her this one for Christmas. Her name is Cecille and she has hair just like A.

A. thinks she's okay.

But she LOVES her new Dora doll. Dora has long, straight brown hair -- hair that A. spent the entire holiday break brushing over and over. She told her grandma, "I don't have pretty hair."

Meanwhile, Cecille sits forlorn on her bedroom shelf. But she's there, and that's what matters.

In fact, the other day A. whipped off her winter cap and said, "I want my hair to blow in the wind."

And when it did, she laughed, full of delight.