Girl From Ethiopia

What Ted Kennedy Taught Me

This story got to me the most -- the knowledge that every week, Ted Kennedy spent time with his reading buddy, Larenai Swann. Larenai could be my own daughter sitting there with the "lion of the Senate." It certainly personalizes him.

In so many of the tributes to Kennedy, there's a sense of wonderment that a man who'd endured so much tragedy could still have a zest for life, could still find joy and laughter and time to read with a little girl. Could still give so much of himself.

I don't understand why folks don't understand.

As someone who's endured far more than her share of tragedy, I understand completely. It's because of the adversity you've faced that you appreciate life's goodness with acuteness. It's as though loss is a disinfecting cleanser, splashing itself onto the remaining areas of your life, stripping away the debris to allow what's essential to reveal itself. You know firsthand how fleeting life can be, how indiscriminate death really is. And so, carpe diem, yes, but you want to do more. You want to enjoy your life and at the same time, be about something bigger than your own, brief life.

Bob Herbert expressed so eloquently the Kennedy legacy, how the family's example was a guide for living:

"The Kennedys counseled us for half a century to be optimistic and to strive harder, to find the resilience to overcome those inevitable moments of tragedy and desolation, and to move steadily toward our better selves, as individuals and as a nation."

That quest to move more steadily toward my better self is what made me, a woman who'd lost so much but been given even more, to adopt a girl from Ethiopia. I know loss; and I also know how much you get when you give.

In a way, I have Ted Kennedy and his family to thank for that knowledge.

MADONNA'S GOT HER GIRL

Finally, the Malawi court chose to do the right thing.

Hopefully, Malawi's officials have learned something from this saga.

Hopefully, rather than look at each adoption request "on a case-by-case basis", those in charge of the country's two million orphans will look to their fellow-African country for a good example of international adoption.

Hopefully, Malawi's officials will take a nod from Ethiopia.

Ethiopia is now the fourth-leading host country of international adoptions, and has the reputation for having a model adoption system -- free of bribes, chaos and confusion. Pretty impressive, given that the country has only allowed significant international adoption since 2004; back then, the Ethiopian government, grappling with its own five million orphans, did a smart thing: faced reality and opened its borders, but on its own terms -- terms that vet every adoption agency allowed to operate in the country, that vets each adoptive parent, and tries its best to ensure cultural ties for its children once they leave for new homes abroad.
      When we adopted our then 3-year-old daughter, we went through a relatively short 14-month process that involved paperwork winding its way through over a dozen Ethiopian governmental agencies, and a court proceeding that gave us parental rights before we were allowed to travel to the country. At the government's request, we also visited our adopted daughter's home village to meet her birth family. In addition, we signed affidavits saying we'd send back to Ethiopia yearly updates and photos until she turned 18; and we were asked to put in writing a promise that we would maintain our daughter's ties to her Ethiopian heritage. They were on it.

    And lest we forget, the Ethiopian government also handled its own celebrity mom with respect and finesse. As a result, when Angelina Jolie adopted her daughter from Ethiopia in 2005, she brought a high-profile awareness of the country's adoption program to hundreds of families who went on to adopt from there as well -- my own family included. In other words, there is a right way to do this.

I hope Malawi chooses to do it the right way again. And again and again.